Image from AgentXPQ's video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjxggGYHYOk
Through high school I feel like I've gone through some stages:
2011-2012 1.g: the weird hyperactive colourful girl (I acted like a child and talked a lot)
2012-2013 2.g the depressed revengeful girl (I acted sad and I argued with people, I also changed class because I wanted people with higher working standard)
2013-2014 3.g: the ??? girl
I'm 18 years old now, but I've never felt my real age. I always feel like I'm either 10, 40 or 80... And I also feel like I'm neither a girl or a boy, I somehow feel "genderless" if you can call it that. I also don't fit in anywhere, and I have 2-3 friends whom I trust more than anyone else.
When I'm in school I don't really talk/say anything unless I'm spoken to or someone needs help. Many students have thought I was angry, shy, weird, insane and the teachers worried I might have some mental problems. To this I ask:
– Is it bad to be alone by choice?
– Is it good to force people through "painful" and useless interaction?
– Who am I and what is identity?
– Are you only worried because I'm a fairly good looking female? I've seen many "average" or bad looking boys and girls being alone not getting anyone worked up about them. Shallow fucks people are.
– Can I be an individual in this world of high school? Or do I have to be judged by the people you are surrounded by?
– Do I have to like parties and drugs and specific music/clothing to be normal?
I used to feel bad for walking around alone, reading/working/listening to music. But I've read about it, watched some videos, talked to my friends and a therapist and I think that I'm more secure now. Just a bit, I still have my shitty days, but I sure as fuck won't let people walk all over me like they used to do.
Some links you might find interesting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uhl7EWb3VYI
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/i-feel-like-i-cant-relate-to-people-51694/
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090929182918AAhsq6T
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mplseWnUUKs
And this is a very relevant question by user Diane:
I just can't relate to other people my age. I don't understand why?
I'm a 14 year old girl. I'm quiet and I only speak when I have something to say. People are repelled by me for some reason. It's like I can't even express my interests without everyone within a 20 foot radius staring at me like I just grew a second head. I just can't relate to my peers. I get no enjoyment out of watching or playing sports. I can't talk about my favorite shows without people going up in arms about my far more advanced knowledge on the subject. I enjoy reading and writing more than watching television or playing video games. For the most part my opinion on things is ignored. I don't drop my problems on other people. I enjoy learning about the different cultures of the world. That seems to repel people as well. Gossip is a load of crap in my opinion. The only people that actually seem to like me are my teachers. I just don't understand it!
So this was today's blogpost.
I hope you all get confident in how you are and find happiness :)
– Vici
